Mr. Hermit pokes his head out...
Apr. 30th, 2003 10:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lincolnkwYes, I know I'm being completely antisocial lately. Just the mood, having fun at work but just not in the mood to be all friendly and everything. Huge HUGE aplogies to those of you that I haven't commented to lately. The mood broke tonight and things should be relatively back to normal (normal for ME, that is) momentarily.
Thirty Years Ago: I was 4, who the hell remembers, I taught myself to read that year.
Twenty Five Years Ago: 9, fourth grade, being bussed across San Diego to an inner dcity school so I could "socialize" better. Pfft, most of my friends were girls, even that early. African-American ones at that, so I blame my attitude on them. And thank them profusely, I miss Sharon, Chris and Eva loads.
Twenty Years Ago: 14, I figured out 6 months ago that I was gay, accepted it and moved on. My thoughts were pretty much, "oh, something else to make me an outsider." The story behind therealization, probably TMI, but who cares, skip if you want. I was a horny 14 year old boy, artistic, wuiet, swam lots, cute kid. I discovered masturbation the year previous and religiously devoted at least ten minutes a day to the practise. I was 14, don't expect stamina. I snuck one of my parent's adult novels My Secret Life: The Adventures of A Victorian Gentleman from their room. I have fond memories ofthat book to this day. Pretty much a straight mansd sexual peccadillos from his early teens until his old age, about a quarter of the way in he has his first gay experience. I perked up, so to speak. Foudn it EXTREMELY intriguing and relaized whatwas missing in my life.
Fifteen Years Ago: 19, In College, the Spring semester of that year I had decided on a Social-Psychology major with an art minor. Never finished. Had also come out to hundreds of complete strangers through the Speakers Bureaus I did with the local GLCC, get up and talk about being gay, coming out, etc. My brother knew, and my gay friends, one straight one. My parents didn't know, that would come the next year by accident. Major fooling around with girls had come to an end, started fooling around with boys in the last year. Fun stuff, AIDS had made it's prescence known, putting something of a crimp on my sex life, But not too much of one. Yes, I'm lucky I DID have unsafe sex, have tested negative every test since then. HAd also started my retail career the previous year. As well as lifeguarding over the summers.
Ten Years Ago 24, working for the video company, my first store as general manager was as clean up foir the previous one, got my own that christmas and now was about to go back to my original store and take it over. Still having fun, safely, still in the slut-stage. Had one real boyfriend, the rest were "dates".
Five Years Ago: 29, The hell period was coming to an end, in the preceding five years I had started using drugs, abusing alcohol and generally fucking up my life. Finally wised up and gotten clean, I believe that this was the time period I was homeless for about six months, living in my truck, my stuff in storage, about to find an apartment and a roommate for the next two years. Gotten seriously involved with someone and had him ruthlessly stomp my heart into the mud by he and my best friend. Stopped talking to both of them. Stopped dating.
Three Years Ago: 31, Borders Assistant Manager, getting fed up with California and the shit I was being put through at work. Started talking to my former best friend again, the ex was still scared of me for some reason. Circle of friends had exploded then contracted and settled down. Dated soeone for a bit until he admitted to trying to replace his former lover who OD'd (seriously I have NO luck sometimes), close to saying screw it all and pulling up roots.
One Year Ago 33, said goodbye to Claifornia and moved to the East Coast a year ago, went through mild culture shock, back at Borders after Taco Hell manager, living in an apartment without a shower, ahd to use the landlord's downstairs until construction could be completed, still not dating, just discovering the world of fanfic and getting involved by actually giving feedback
One Month Ago 34, without supervison at work I revamp the way we do things in my department, sales go up but they still don't give me staff, feeling bitter. Thoroughly enjoying LJ and the people I've met.
Yesterday realized that it's only 3 and half months til I'm 35. Feeling concern for Ian after his post. Hoping Scott feels better and Kare's mother was doing good. Found out at the last minute that corporate visit was today. Slight panic aattack then said screw it, no staff, no magaer, they can be understanding or I walk.
Tomorrow I SWEAR TO GOD I am making CDs and getting them ready to send out on Friday, making cookies, going to read the original Elfquest series again in the beautiful Donning-Starblaze watercolor editions.
Whew! That took a while.
Thirty Years Ago: I was 4, who the hell remembers, I taught myself to read that year.
Twenty Five Years Ago: 9, fourth grade, being bussed across San Diego to an inner dcity school so I could "socialize" better. Pfft, most of my friends were girls, even that early. African-American ones at that, so I blame my attitude on them. And thank them profusely, I miss Sharon, Chris and Eva loads.
Twenty Years Ago: 14, I figured out 6 months ago that I was gay, accepted it and moved on. My thoughts were pretty much, "oh, something else to make me an outsider." The story behind therealization, probably TMI, but who cares, skip if you want. I was a horny 14 year old boy, artistic, wuiet, swam lots, cute kid. I discovered masturbation the year previous and religiously devoted at least ten minutes a day to the practise. I was 14, don't expect stamina. I snuck one of my parent's adult novels My Secret Life: The Adventures of A Victorian Gentleman from their room. I have fond memories ofthat book to this day. Pretty much a straight mansd sexual peccadillos from his early teens until his old age, about a quarter of the way in he has his first gay experience. I perked up, so to speak. Foudn it EXTREMELY intriguing and relaized whatwas missing in my life.
Fifteen Years Ago: 19, In College, the Spring semester of that year I had decided on a Social-Psychology major with an art minor. Never finished. Had also come out to hundreds of complete strangers through the Speakers Bureaus I did with the local GLCC, get up and talk about being gay, coming out, etc. My brother knew, and my gay friends, one straight one. My parents didn't know, that would come the next year by accident. Major fooling around with girls had come to an end, started fooling around with boys in the last year. Fun stuff, AIDS had made it's prescence known, putting something of a crimp on my sex life, But not too much of one. Yes, I'm lucky I DID have unsafe sex, have tested negative every test since then. HAd also started my retail career the previous year. As well as lifeguarding over the summers.
Ten Years Ago 24, working for the video company, my first store as general manager was as clean up foir the previous one, got my own that christmas and now was about to go back to my original store and take it over. Still having fun, safely, still in the slut-stage. Had one real boyfriend, the rest were "dates".
Five Years Ago: 29, The hell period was coming to an end, in the preceding five years I had started using drugs, abusing alcohol and generally fucking up my life. Finally wised up and gotten clean, I believe that this was the time period I was homeless for about six months, living in my truck, my stuff in storage, about to find an apartment and a roommate for the next two years. Gotten seriously involved with someone and had him ruthlessly stomp my heart into the mud by he and my best friend. Stopped talking to both of them. Stopped dating.
Three Years Ago: 31, Borders Assistant Manager, getting fed up with California and the shit I was being put through at work. Started talking to my former best friend again, the ex was still scared of me for some reason. Circle of friends had exploded then contracted and settled down. Dated soeone for a bit until he admitted to trying to replace his former lover who OD'd (seriously I have NO luck sometimes), close to saying screw it all and pulling up roots.
One Year Ago 33, said goodbye to Claifornia and moved to the East Coast a year ago, went through mild culture shock, back at Borders after Taco Hell manager, living in an apartment without a shower, ahd to use the landlord's downstairs until construction could be completed, still not dating, just discovering the world of fanfic and getting involved by actually giving feedback
One Month Ago 34, without supervison at work I revamp the way we do things in my department, sales go up but they still don't give me staff, feeling bitter. Thoroughly enjoying LJ and the people I've met.
Yesterday realized that it's only 3 and half months til I'm 35. Feeling concern for Ian after his post. Hoping Scott feels better and Kare's mother was doing good. Found out at the last minute that corporate visit was today. Slight panic aattack then said screw it, no staff, no magaer, they can be understanding or I walk.
Tomorrow I SWEAR TO GOD I am making CDs and getting them ready to send out on Friday, making cookies, going to read the original Elfquest series again in the beautiful Donning-Starblaze watercolor editions.
Whew! That took a while.
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no subject
Date: 2003-04-30 08:16 pm (UTC)And I don't want to hear you kvetching about turning 35. I'm one year older than you, and if you kvetch, then I need to find something even more extreme to do. Heh.
Re:
Date: 2003-04-30 08:36 pm (UTC)If I shave I look about 26 so it's not THAT bad, letrting my hair grow out helps, too. I could look like my brother who is two years younger and looks in his 40s.
The bits of life up there aint nothin'. I thought about doing it year by year but up until about 12 I really don't remember much. And honestly, I'm not sure I could remember what happened when, there are a couple of years in there where it's really just a blur of acohol, drugs and sex. I've had high AND low points, overall the high outweighs the low.
And by "extreme" you mean what? A mohawk? Done it. Dye your hair a bizarre color? Done that too many times to count? Tell intimate details of your first time? OK, I haven't done that but I would have to then tell stories about all three first times, girl, guy, then the full on dirty deed with another guy.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-30 09:15 pm (UTC)I was thinking more of standard guy midlife crisis stuff like getting pec implants or a sports car or something like that... ^_~
Re:
Date: 2003-04-30 09:36 pm (UTC)**full body shudder**
If you buy a sports car make it a convertable!
*sniffles* I miss my cloth-top.
no subject
Date: 2003-05-01 12:27 am (UTC)And yes, it'll be a convertible. Don't know what kind, but defiinitely a convertible.
Re:
Date: 2003-04-30 09:07 pm (UTC)maybe.
Re:
Date: 2003-04-30 09:09 pm (UTC)Boy did I babble in that post or what?